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I am Ethan's Father...

(Note: My kids inspire me; usually it's to drink more, but they, nonetheless, do inspire me. Hence the reason for this essay. This was written when my son, Ethan, was much younger — he's now 12 — and I almost trashed it. I glad I didn't, because I like it much better now. Let me know what you think...)

I Am Ethan's Father
(the official job description)

From 8 am to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday, I am a wholly owned subsidiary of the state of Oklahoma; the Senior Media Officer for the Oklahoma House of Representatives. I answer to the Director of the Media Division, the Chief Clerk and Administrator and the Speaker of the House.

However, after that...

•I am the evil, Dr. Scum. The arch rival of Good Prince Ethan and Pure Light Brigade -- I am easily captured. And easily eliminated. Yet I can morph into a thousand different creatures simply by using my super-powerful, yet easily bent, hollow cardboard tube-wand thingy.

•I am the designated Designer of Train Tracks. My tracks wind easily throughout the oak-floored landscape of our home. I handle all right-of-ways, negotiate with unruly neighbors (namely Mom when she's busy) and shoo away the ornery stray cats who tend to wander freely around the railway station.

•I am the official Pusher-of-the-Swing. Only it's not really a swing. It's a spaceship, or a rocket, or an airplane or whatever. And it's not located in the back yard, next to the peach tree, either. It's at a space port on a distant planet. By some strange twist of fate, this most powerful of vehicles is fueled by a mysterious substance known only as "Daddy."

•I am the Official Co-Assistant Reader-of-Books. As official co-assistant reader, I offer relief to the other Co-Assistant Official Reader-of-Books. My hours vary, as do the reading choices. But, during that time, I am the keeper of keys to far-off distant lands.

•I am the official Sub-assistant Director of Water Usage and Ad Hock, Bath Time Monitor. I direct traffic in and out of the tub, monitor temperature and shampoo usage, and I am also in charge of eliminating the wet, naked native insurrections when the little freak tries to dash from tub to bedroom without drying.

•I am the Official House Troubadour. I am required to remember all the words to every song known and, further, am required to sing at the appropriate time. My repertoire includes the classics: most of Barney's top 10 list, every song taught by Grandma, various nursery rhymes which have been put to music, every song from every Disney video, the entire collection of the Eagles, a good portion of Elton John's book, Jimmy Buffett's greatest hits and the occasional pop tune.

•I am Director of Biking Transportation Technology. With or without training wheels, I supervise all neighborhood bike trips. I preview routes, gauge traffic and repair the occasional flat. The trunk of my Chrysler serves as the official repository of wheeled vehicles.

•I am the Official Purchaser of Fast Food Items. On those occasions when the family CEO is out of town, I am charged with the purchase of all Fast Food Items. This job requires the ability to recite the menu at all known fast food establishments within a 10-mile radius and to evaluate the toys supplied with the Happy Mean versus the Kids Pack.

•I am Ethan's Father. Ever present. And hopefully not over-bearing. I supply hugs, advice and the rare swat on the rump. But always, love. No matter where Ethan goes, or what he does, he must know just how grateful I am to God for him. Ethan must understand the deep, never ending emotional tie between myself and him and the gentle, simple, yet unbreakable bond that exists between father and son.

•I am Ethan's Father. And he is my son--and that's the greatest job I've ever had.

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